Compiled by Cory Alderfer
In this very strange year of Coronavirus Disease 2019 we felt it was fitting that maybe a chuckle or two was just what the doctor ordered! I refer to the following fondly as Souderton Independent-isms. We will save a more detailed history of the Souderton Independent for a later date, but know that William F. Goettler, owner and editor of the paper founded in 1878, was later joined by his son Romandes in 1898. Between these two men, they had no trouble attempting to keep the town of Souderton in line! Whenever the news of the week was a bit slow they added jokes and gently teased their patrons.
Most of the notices are from the 1905 – 1912 newspapers, but I also included my all-time favorite dated 5/15/1896. We hope these bring a smile to your face.
The teacher of a village school told her class to write a sentence finishing with the two words, “bitter end.” One boy wrote “The Russians had to fight to a bitter end.” Another wrote, “The Easter Holidays have come to a bitter end.” But the sentence that capped them all was written by a youngster named Archie, aged 7-½ years. It ran thus: “Our Pomeranian puppy ran after mother Cooper’s cat yesterday, and as she was running through the wooden fence, he bitter end.”
A traveling salesman died very suddenly in Kalamazoo. His relatives telegraphed the florist to make a wreath; the ribbon should be extra wide with the inscription, “Rest in Peace” on both sides, and if there is room, “We Shall Meet in Heaven.” The florist was out of town and his new assistant handled the job. It was a startling floral piece which turned up at the funeral. The ribbon was extra wide, and bore the inscription:
“Rest in Peace on Both sides, and if There is Room We Shall meet in Heaven.”
A woman went into the newspaper office and wished to advertise for her husband who had disappeared. When told that they charged two dollars an inch she went out, saying it would break her up at that rate, as her husband was over six feet long.
Somebody rises in disgust to say that eight out of every dozen fashionable women of the day paints her face, eyebrows and lips. “Isn’t that awful?”
Don’t waste time teaching a baby girl to talk. Let her alone and she will learn.
The Board of Health should reside on South Front street, while a carload of Philadelphia manure is being unloaded. The odor is considerably worse than the political rottenness of that city.
The repair hands of the Reading railroad are fixing up the flower beds at the different stations along the old North Penn. The one at our depot looks more like
a grave than a flower bed.
A man who has kept count of the number of kisses exchanged with his wife since their union consents to its publication as follows: first year, 35,500; second
year, 16,000; third year 3,750; fourth year, 120; fifth year, 2. He then left off keeping the record.
The Independent stands more for quality than for quantity. Of course we are sorry that we didn’t know that Mrs. Smith visited Mrs. Jones last week, but Mrs. Jones informs me that she intends visiting Mrs. Smith next week, so we expect to be square with our contemporaries by another issue.
And this author’s favorite: 5/15/1896 Found – a set of artificial teeth were found on Monday on East Broad St. The owner can have the same by calling at the Independent office and paying for this notice.
